I was working with a Christian school in Indiana, waiting in my office for a sixth grade boy who was having "difficulties getting along." I knew his family, and his disruptive behavior didn’t seem to be a big stretch from the dark environment he faced daily. Everything from his clothing to his posture, to his sullen eyes spoke of the turmoil and pain already clogging his young heart.As he spoke, his words were surprisingly acidic for someone his age. There seemed to be no filter on what he would say or how he would say it. Of course, he was not doing well among his classmates or with his teacher.
I tried to maintain a receptive demeanor and welcoming posture, but his stance became more and more defiant. He did express that he didn’t want to get "kicked out of school," so I suggested that maybe we could work on a plan together with his teacher that everyone could live by. But I also assured him that his behavior and conversation would have to improve significantly, at least while he was at school.
At this, he looked piercingly at me and growled, "I know what you people are like. I know what you are all about. I know what you are after. I’m not stupid like the others you are used to dealing with. No one is going to make us do anything!"
That is not the worst thing anyone has ever said to me...by far! But it may have been the moment when I felt the most pain for someone. He was only in the sixth grade. Someone was planting deep seeds of paranoia in him. The "us" in his final statement made it clear that some extreme voices had gained traction in his young mind, and their message was clear: "You can’t trust anyone."
Motives are a mystery. Most of us imagine that ours are consistent, readily recognizable, and often exemplary. It is others we have to watch. Our perception of our own motives is often the standard we use when judging others, and of course we often imagine ourselves as more pure and trustworthy. Even when we have clearly done something wrong, we often have "good reasons" for what we did. And when others do wrong, both their deeds and their motives are questionable at best.
Quite a mystery. I am guessing that only Jesus had perfect motives every time. That could probably speak volumes to us, and maybe even bring healing to some of our relationships.
- Don McLaughlin
