Day 30 / The Sting

While finishing college in Arkansas, Susan and I lived three miles off the blacktop on a gravel road surrounded by rice fields. It was cheap rent, and it was not far from the little church we served in Griffithville. Our closest neighbor was L.C. Cooper, a very active elderly widower who had lived his entire life on the farm down the road. L.C. was battling cancer, and his daughter asked if we could help him with some chores around his house. One afternoon I went down and climbed aboard his lawn tractor to mow his yard.

His front yard, about 3/4 of an acre of tall grass, was overgrown with bushes and trees with one huge pine in the middle. As I mowed in a close circle around that tree, all of a sudden I was stung in the side by at least eight amazingly upset yellow jackets. Apparently I'd brushed up against their nest tucked away in the thick branches of the pine tree. It felt like I had been punched in the side. I jumped off the tractor, tore off my shirt, and ran like crazy. I didn't get any more stings, but I started feeling a little dizzy, and I knew that I'd better get them treated.

I am certain I was never in any real danger. Although the stings hurt, they were quick to heal. However, after that event I have had a different kind of relationship with any kind of bee, or getting to close to thick pine trees, or...

It reminds me of a powerful statement by Maya Angelou about human relationships:

I've learned that people will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget how you made them feel.

We want so badly for people to remember our words because they seem very important to us. But when we take responsibility only for content, and not for delivery, the outcome is often very disappointing. We find ourselves so frustrated because people judged us or remembered us for how we made them feel and not for the actual content of our words.

The same is true for our actions. If we want a meaningful outcome for our actions, we have to take responsibility both for what we do and how we do it. This still does not mean that the other person will receive us well, but it does mean that we can be at peace with our complete effort.

Jesus said, "For I did not speak of my own accord, but the Father who sent me commanded me what to say and how to say it" (John 12:49).

Many people complain of having been "stung" by the church, religion, or Christians. They report experiences where those who wore the name of Jesus hurt them with their words and actions. Sometimes they felt snubbed, judged, criticized, or ignored. I know that these painful interactions were not all intentional, but I have been around enough to know that Christians, including me, do not always behave in a way that honors Jesus Christ!

During this 40-Day Journey Toward a Life of Active Compassion, we are being challenged to take the "sting" out of our actions and reactions. We want others to experience the love of God through us, no matter how they respond. We hope that when we approach them to help, they will feel the love of Jesus. And we also pray that no matter how they respond, or if they even remember our names, they will still feel the wonderful and majestic love of God our Father through us.

- Don McLaughlin

Day 29 / Thanks for the Memories

About ten years ago I had just finished speaking in the chapel service of a Christian university, and I was enjoying catching up with students and friends there. My family was with me and it was a little like a mini-reunion. In the midst of this love fest, a guy walked up that I recognized from my first year of college...the year I flunked out. The year I got kicked out of the dorm. The year all my stuff from my dorm room was carried out and left on the front lawn by maintenance because I was too irresponsible to move it out by the deadline. Ya...that year. Ugh.

I wasn’t thinking about any of that, because that was B.C. (Before Christ) in my life, and now it seemed like another lifetime. But suddenly it was in my face. As he approached the group, I greeted him with the kind of hello that you give someone you haven’t seen in nearly 20 years. I gave him a big hug, from which he stepped back and said in a loud voice, "Hey man, do you remember when you got kicked out of college and they threw all your stuff on the front lawn, and like they found your dirty magazines?"

Wow. It felt like the wind was knocked out of me? He stopped his question with a punctuation intended to have that effect. He seemed to want to deliver a blow, and the setting was exactly what he was looking for. I was surprised, and I did also feel the wound. I was embarrassed, and that old shame of my sin crept back over me. My children and my wife and especially my younger friends were waiting with me in that sluggish moment.

I finally looked at him, (actually within seconds though it felt much longer) and said, "You know, I don’t think of those things much anymore, unless someone reminds me." He walked away, and so did we. I painfully realized again that my history is a part of me. It is not bigger than Jesus, and I am forgiven and renewed in him, but it still stung.

In the weeks that followed I had some decisions to make. Would I let that painful memory of my sin make me feel worthless again? Would I start allowing shame to make me question whether or not I could ever really be God’s man, or ever be worthy in his sight. I also had to make a decision about how I was going to think and feel about that man. Would I just write him off? Would I judge him forever from this low moment? Would I cringe every time I see him, avoid him, or talk negatively about him when he came up in conversation? These were important decisions for my spiritual life.

It wasn't long before I saw him again, and I definitely did not like it. Pretty soon God worked it out that I was seeing him more regularly. Ugh! I prayed, "Come on! Give me a break!" But there he was.

So I tried to imagine how Jesus would go about loving this guy, and I knew I had to start at the cross with how Jesus loved me. This started changing me. I quit avoiding him. I started looking for opportunities to either connect on Facebook or email or even sit with him at a conference. When we were both on the campus of that university from time to time, I would try to initiate a trip to the student center for at least a cup of coffee.

Then came a conversation I was not expecting. It started the same fateful way, "Hey, man, do you remember...?" There was a knot in my gut. But then he referenced that morning after chapel a few years earlier. He said, "I am so sorry for what I said. I have struggled so much in my life and my career, and it seemed like things were so good for you. I was jealous of your family and it was just eating me up. I thought of how foolish you looked back in that first year of college, and how I now felt like the fool. I started resenting you bitterly. Then, when I was sitting in chapel that day listening to you speak to the students, that monster inside just got a hold of me. I wanted to hurt and embarrass you in front of your family and whoever else was standing there. I wanted to make you feel small."

At first I was a little relieved, and then of course, I felt a little anger. But his tears made the authenticity of his remorse very clear. He was hurting, and quite possibly more than me. I acknowledged his apology, and that this certainly did not need to be an issue between us. But it was his last statement that opened the door for my compassion. The reason he wanted to make me feel small, is because he felt insignificant himself. He was trying to overcome those feelings by his own accomplishments. And when that didn’t work out, he thought the only other option was to try to make others feel small also by saying or doing things that might hurt of embarrass them.

We all have our own history to deal with, and sometimes the truth of the past is not pretty. But there is something very liberating about discovering that my past is not what defines my life. Jesus Christ and his sacrifice for me define my life. But it also defines the lives of our detractors and those that try to hurt us. Jesus died and rose again for them also.

But whether or not we shrink back from our goals and aspirations is up to us. In fact, it might actually be a blessing to them if we do not give up big dreams and audacious goals. If our hearts are humble and loving toward them while we pursue great and adventurous expansions of the kingdom of God, they may see a path that will work for them, as well. Our example might also liberate them to be all they can be in God’s Kingdom, as well.

- Don McLaughlin

Day 29 / Big Ideas

I admit to a certain fascination for Lee Iacocca and have read about his career. I found it interesting that he was fired from the Ford Motor Company after a clash with the president of the company, Henry Ford, II. There is some speculation that he was fired because he, along with a guy named Hal Sperlich, were driving forces behind the design and marketing of something called a mini-van. Iacocca went to work pretty quickly at Chrysler. He joined Sperlich, who left Ford before Iacocca did, and at Chrysler they soon introduced the Voyager and the Caravan.

Despite my conviction that there is way too much open space in a mini-van for way too much stuff to be going on to take the driver’s attention off the road...even I admit that it found its market.

Iacocca held on to his ideas even though some very heavy hitters opposed him.

At the other end of the spectrum, I’ve had some ideas over the years that I’ve done nothing about. For years, as both a mom and a school teacher during Science Fairs or Invention Conventions, I strongly encouraged (some might say "insisted") my own children and my students to "invent" a coffee bag for a single serving. I never did think it was fair that coffee drinkers had to choose between making a pot (partial or full) or drinking instant. Now? Folgers has made decent revenue on coffee singles.

Over the last few decades, I’ve griped that my car ought to have a sensor telling me when my tire pressure was low. I've also wished that each time I opened my purse, a light would come on...like the glove compartment of my car. Are you seeing a pattern?

It would be one thing if I had done anything toward making any of these ideas come to fruition. It's another thing that I have the ideas but do nothing about them. I've got no room to claim that these were my ideas first.

Many of you have had big ideas and have worked hard to make these ideas become reality. You may have been discouraged by someone "important" who didn't want to see you succeed. Keep thinking the big thoughts and dreaming the big dreams. Help others. Find a way to make a difference regardless of what someone else might say. Hang in there.

My latest idea centers around a multi-directional head for a stapler. Teachers would love that...

- Sheree Yasko Hill

Day 28 / One-Hit Wonders

How many one-hit wonders do you know? You know what I mean...Who sang "House of the Rising Sun" or "Just a Friend"? Or how about "Total Eclipse of the Heart" or "Start the Commotion"? Or even "Do You Love Me" or "Wipeout"?

Whichever decade they became popular, we could probably sing along with these songs. Some of these we can still sing along to...but couldn’t name the artist. Some of them have been covered by more contemporary bands, but we’re talking the original artist. According to Wikipedia, the definition of a "One-Hit Wonder" is "a person or act known mainly for only a single success. The term is most often used to describe music performers with only one hit single."

Wikipedia goes on to talk about how some artists have embraced their...one hit wonderness...while others have tried to dissociate themselves from their hit songs, and yet others have broken away from their OHW band to have successful solo careers. Most of the songs in this genre are rarely thought about, but are associated with a sense of nostalgia.

But the band recorded the song. It was a hit (most consider a song to have gotten on Billboard’s Top 40 to be a hit). It had meaning at the time.

Of the good we are doing with this gift and blessing to help others, most will be forgotten. Keep on doing good.

(Oh...word on the street is that for one-hit wonders trivia...the man to beat is Tim Tidwell. I’m just saying...)

- Sheree Yasko Hill

Day 27 / Success

The paradoxical commandment for today’s reading says that when we succeed, we will gain false friends and true enemies. I am always reminded of the story of the Prodigal Son whenever I think of this paradoxical statement. We’ve heard it and some of us have taught it. We’ve all made the point that when the younger son left with his inheritance and went to the city, he all of a sudden had lots of "friends" who soon disappeared when his money ran out.

The movie Big comes to mind. Tom Hanks' character gets his Zoltar machine wish to become big, and finds success as an adult because of his child-like approach to everything. Along the way, he is befriended by those wishing to ride his coat tails, and he is hated by those who are envious of his success. (Now, the plot of the movie is all about him realizing that he doesn't want to grow up too fast, so the analogy breaks down at some point.) But he does have a moment when he realizes that he needs to succeed in order to accomplish his goal of getting back to being a kid again.

This movie is a hit by my criteria. It's entertaining with real-life application. When you are successful, people will pretend to be your friend. And when you are successful, there are people who want you to fail. Neither type of person will influence who you really are. So, determine to succeed...and likely, you will.

- Sheree Yasko Hill